"You're just jealous 'cos we're young and in love"- Brand New


As much as I hate to admit it, yes I am. I have become one of those sour, lonely, horrible people that resents couples, with an added pinch of hate if they claim to be 'in love'

Its not that I don't want to human race to reproduce and continue living, I've just had so many failed relationships myself that I seem to think that if I can't be happy, then nobody should. Selfish, I know, but that's what teen angst does to you.
In the past 24 hours, I have noticed at least 3 relationships start, via status changes on facebook.

Not to mention, the still sensitive past relationship of mine that I was reminded of when my friend ran into him and his "new" girlfriend in Starbucks.
I say new, but it's like their third try. She's about as new as a fucking antique dresser.

I try not to show it, but I still reserve a bit of bitchiness and glowering jealousy for my friends that seem to be in a nice relationship with someone. Sure it may not last forever, but instant gratification is simply what high school is all about.
And even though it is now nearly 6 months since I was last classed as a 'girlfriend' by someone, I'm still going to keep calm and avoid drinking on a weekday collapsing on the kitchen floor like a bad version of Amy Winehouse. Although I would kill to have her body.

Yes, I know I'm still young, there's plenty of time for me to have boyfriends and fall in love after my exams, when I've 'grown up'. But I'm the type of person who needs someone to be there to hug and kiss whenever I want. If I don't feel loved, I like to dramatically emphasize that I feel nothing. But I don't feel nothing, I just don't feel entirely right on my own, to be quite honest.

So starts another week, pretending to be okay with being single, whist writhing inside, hoping that I meet the guy that makes me go 'wow' and that gives me constant butterflies.

-AMZZ x